You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I want her autograph on my taint
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
