Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
