just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
