i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
