she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
