we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
