Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
