I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
