We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
