and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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