you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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