my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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