That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
