One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
