just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
