I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
