Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
