: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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