I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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