I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
