Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
