i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
