THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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