so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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