I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
