he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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