It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
