Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
