So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
