Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
