I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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