my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
