end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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