WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
