I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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