u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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