Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
