I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
