This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
no more duck duck goose at the bar
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
