He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
