pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
