I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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