He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Randomize
