I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
