1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
