he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
