i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My bed smells like the plague
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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