would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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