Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
