It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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