whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
