we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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